Arabian Nights

i wna look for a job soon =D

omggggggggg i really can't wait for this to be over omgomgomgomgomgomg SOON.

i wna go for night walks.

10 not so surprising things

1. i can feel a double chin popping up together with my pimple GROSS. too much nutella =(
2. orchard had prettier lights last year - well it should be hard to match up to that standard again i guess?
3. i screwed up edb interview =(
4. i can't get myself to mug h3 properly even that stress of mugging h3 is gone omgggggggg what's wrong with me seriouslyyyyyyy
5. the whole sch knows about us alrd laaaaa
6. i'm like addicted to the piano and phantom songs now!
7. i really really want you
8. shopping got boring. nope you didn't misread this.
9. the arch of my foot is still aching from walking in killer heels for 6 hours
10. i felt another pimple. DAMN they are sociable.

Application WTF

ughhhh i'm annoyed with cornell apps. damn annoying. haven't received this haven't received that. toot.

econs case study went well i think? i actually came out of the hall feeling quite happy with myself heh. maybe it can salvage my massacred essays. rawr.

i'm feeling... strange? i don't know how else to describe this feeling. sometimes i feel like i could tell you those 3 words, sometimes i can't. maybe this is all happening too fast. but i can't let you go, not now. what's wrong with me.

PingPong and Babylon

i built my castle today -

how it'll be like to fall asleep in your arms;
watching tv in the future with you, a comfy sofa and snacks;
exercising;
cooking dinner for you everyday;
roaming parks after it turns dark;
exploring the world, holding your hand tightly telling the whole world i'm yours.

but then, i don't know why i'm studying so hard. so that we can travel to see the world? so that we can have a pretty house with a rooftop swimming pool? i don't want to waste all the efforts that i've put in. this is what i've been dreaming of since i was young - to see the world for myself. yet right now, i feel as if i can't do that.

what if you lose faith?

How Many More, Miss?

"9! no, 8!"

so that's that. math functions was stupid, should have trusted my instincts and gone with my first interpretation. math hypo testing was stupid-er. shouldn't have acted smart and thought so much. but other than that, at least probability was easy and p&c didn't cost me too many marks. then again, everything is relative, so...

gp essay was okayyyy i think. aq was a nightmare, it was j1 ct1 all over again cause i didn't know what the question was asking for at all. wrote what i could. vocab was pretty bad. okay fine actually compre was pretty damned hard. but at least gp is over.

chem p3 was crazy. 4.5 questions seriously cost me my brains and the elucidation question - i didn't write out the steps to identifying the compounds. but then they like didn't really ask for it? maybe i acted smart again haixxxx but then again it's my own fault for wasting 25minutes doing the stupid proteins. wth.

so i've screwed up 4 papers. wondering if i'll keep screwing up my As. they don't feel good at all =/

Start of the End

tomorrow, everything that i've been working towards start properly. the past few weeks have been quite distracting, honestly speaking. right now i don't even feel like tomorrow is the actual As. everything just seems so... boring? test papers are starting to feel repetitive, although now without a fixed benchmark there is always the worry that i got complacent and others got smarter.

but i will give it my best shot tomorrow. it might be better knowing that you're behind/ in front of me. i will want to do even better.

Walk Away

you got angry.

this is why i hate everything about love. i hate it that my moods depend on our happiness. i hate it that i can cry because of somebody else. i hate feeling the same sense of helplessness and hopelessness when i am threatened of being left alone again.

i should have made barriers to entry higher. i should continue to be independent. i never should have allowed myself to open up to you. i never should have tried falling in love again; love was never something for me to find.

i'm tired. this is exactly how i used to feel everytime i got threatened. i'm very, very tired. i want everything to end.

2 days. let's see what i can do. let's see how much i fuck my As up.

I Love It When You Call

i was quite embarrassed yesterday; chen saw me being a clingy freak hahaha.

i'm freaked out for As now, although i still don't know how i should study. maybe h3? =/ ayeee. i'm actually quite excited to take the papers i just wna get it all over and done with.

today starbucks guy refused to let me pay for my drink, asked for my email address, and told me it was the best bday present ever. that's actually kinda weird, considering the fact that i barely even know him. ayeeeeee. i don't like it when things happen so that i can't even be friends with people. hopefully he won't do anything stupid =)

/edit
come to think of it, why did she show you my blog? did she expect you to say, "ew"?

sorry, random thought.

Beyonce was right

is this how it feels like, when you fall for your best friend?

honestly, i have never imagined myself liking you. even last year when i stopped speaking to you because of her, it wasn't because i felt anything. i just didn't want people to start pointless rumours about you and me, so i just let things go. to me, you were always my classmate. i see you everyday, but that's all. that is why i still can't believe this is happening; i will miss you a lot, then i'll remember that you're my classmate and start laughing to myself because it still seems quite absurd to me. and i can't imagine what ermmmmm yumin will say. or yujiao hahahaha. or melvin. or all the other random people in class.

you're no longer random, and when i think of you now i no longer think of you as my classmate. it's an unexplanable connection that i don't know how to describe. you gave me the exact answer that i'd have given you if you asked me the same question - "this kind of things cannot pinpoint exactly why". but i love it that when we're together, we can just be us. i love it when you make me laugh, or pout, or miss you, or twitch, or want you. you make me feel a lot of things i never thought i'd be able to feel again. and when you hold me, i feel very, very safe. which probably explains why i always seem so clingy.

hehe and all along people were speculating i'll get together with weix, not you =P just to let you know, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww that's a highly disturbing thought. he has never, never, never ever made me feel the way you do.

i went over to your house on friday, and honestly i was so freaked out at first. what if your mum hated me on first sight, what if she never wants you to see me again? but then, i got even more freaked out by my thoughts. i mean, just what is it about you that makes me want your MUM to approve of me? i seriously thought i was going insane.

but i love your house. it feels so... homey? i don't remember much of it, probably because i was too nervous. but the main things that i remember are that 1. the garden is really gorgeous, especially when it was lighted in the dark in the rain. 2. the kitchen has tons of junk food 3. your house is probably the only house with a table tennis table in the living room 4. your house has 3 storeys?? 5. your bedsheets were blue. 6. your table is too formal, next time i wna sit on the same side as you. 7. you should start closing your doors.

you looked very cute when you play the piano. very... intense =) i have a hunch you'll look the same when you play pingpong. hehe and i bet when you read this in future you'll start blushing.

today, i couldn't stop thinking of you. i couldn't concentrate on my econs or chem. maybe it's because i already feel prepared, or maybe it's also because i'm falling too fast. i'm really scared. i'm scared you'll find me annoying, or too clingly, or crazy. i got screwed up once when i gave my heart completely, and i'm scared because it's too late to stop myself now.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just what did you do to me? =(

but just so you know, if i don't get my scholarship, i wouldn't mind staying in singapore now =)

/edit

and i sort kinda miss serene. she was one of my best friends, too.

/edit2

i no longer feel like a bitch. because i know i did nothing wrong. i never seduced you, i told you i needed time away from you, i tried. all i know is, i'm glad you held me back. if there was one thing i shouldn't have done, it was to fall for you. but it's too late for that now.

Her


viviangan♥
14jan91