@ 12:09:00 AM<3
A Little Pleai'm sick of seeing your faces, sick of knowing that 7As isn't enough, sick of you wondering why i couldn't have made you prouder by getting 9 bloody distinctions. i'm sick of feeling worthless, sick of being dissatisfied with my results, when i know others would have given up plenty to exchange for it.
i'm sick of telling you the truth, only to have you shoot me down. i'm sick of you throwing your tempers around, then screaming at me for throwing mine. i'm sick of coming home to you when the only thing you do is scold.
you scold me for going to fill up my applications by myself. fine, do you want to write my application essays for me?
you scold me for asking you about going on the holiday. fine, would you rather i go behind your back?
you say one phrase of congratulations, and start questioning me about how to get 9 distinctions. you show awe at the top scholars from my school.
WHEN WILL WHAT I DO BE ENOUGH?
when will you be proud of me?
instead of feeling relieved that i'm trying to connect with you, you push me away again and again telling me that i'm being stupid.
i'm tired. i'm so damned freaking tired. i need to stop trying to live up to your expectations, expectations that have become mine, because they have worn me out to the core. i don't want to become an empty machine striving towards a perfection i know that i will never achieve.
I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
i'm sorry. i wish i could be the top scholar too. i wish i could be the perfect daughter who never faulted, never got into trouble, never make you angry. i wish i wanted to stay at home 24/7, leaving only for work. but how do i do so when i don't want to see your face? i wish i could always see from your point of view, even though you seldom saw from mine. i wish i could smile more in front of you, but how do i do so when you can't control your own temper? how is it that i can't be late to the dinner table but you can take your own time? how is it that i can't reply shortly to what you have to say, but you can do that to me?
i wish i had the courage to stop everything now.
