@ 12:00:00 AM<3
Beyonce was rightis this how it feels like, when you fall for your best friend?
honestly, i have never imagined myself liking you. even last year when i stopped speaking to you because of her, it wasn't because i felt anything. i just didn't want people to start pointless rumours about you and me, so i just let things go. to me, you were always my classmate. i see you everyday, but that's all. that is why i still can't believe this is happening; i will miss you a lot, then i'll remember that you're my classmate and start laughing to myself because it still seems quite absurd to me. and i can't imagine what ermmmmm yumin will say. or yujiao hahahaha. or melvin. or all the other random people in class.
you're no longer random, and when i think of you now i no longer think of you as my classmate. it's an unexplanable connection that i don't know how to describe. you gave me the exact answer that i'd have given you if you asked me the same question - "this kind of things cannot pinpoint exactly why". but i love it that when we're together, we can just be us. i love it when you make me laugh, or pout, or miss you, or twitch, or want you. you make me feel a lot of things i never thought i'd be able to feel again. and when you hold me, i feel very, very safe. which probably explains why i always seem so clingy.
hehe and all along people were speculating i'll get together with weix, not you =P just to let you know, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww that's a highly disturbing thought. he has never, never, never ever made me feel the way you do.
i went over to your house on friday, and honestly i was so freaked out at first. what if your mum hated me on first sight, what if she never wants you to see me again? but then, i got even more freaked out by my thoughts. i mean, just what is it about you that makes me want your MUM to approve of me? i seriously thought i was going insane.
but i love your house. it feels so... homey? i don't remember much of it, probably because i was too nervous. but the main things that i remember are that 1. the garden is really gorgeous, especially when it was lighted in the dark in the rain. 2. the kitchen has tons of junk food 3. your house is probably the only house with a table tennis table in the living room 4. your house has 3 storeys?? 5. your bedsheets were blue. 6. your table is too formal, next time i wna sit on the same side as you. 7. you should start closing your doors.
you looked very cute when you play the piano. very... intense =) i have a hunch you'll look the same when you play pingpong. hehe and i bet when you read this in future you'll start blushing.
today, i couldn't stop thinking of you. i couldn't concentrate on my econs or chem. maybe it's because i already feel prepared, or maybe it's also because i'm falling too fast. i'm really scared. i'm scared you'll find me annoying, or too clingly, or crazy. i got screwed up once when i gave my heart completely, and i'm scared because it's too late to stop myself now.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just what did you do to me? =(
but just so you know, if i don't get my scholarship, i wouldn't mind staying in singapore now =)
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and i sort kinda miss serene. she was one of my best friends, too.
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i no longer feel like a bitch. because i know i did nothing wrong. i never seduced you, i told you i needed time away from you, i tried. all i know is, i'm glad you held me back. if there was one thing i shouldn't have done, it was to fall for you. but it's too late for that now.
