school's been not bad. my days normally start at 12, except for 1 tutorial which is at 9, but that happens fortnightly so it's alright. i went for friday's 8am math lecture for the first time this week on friday, which was retarded because the webcast lecturer is much better. but then again i only went cause i stayed up the whole night on thursday. dozed off a few times in my tutorial class, which i really hope the teacher didn't see.

don't think i'll bother going for that lecture again.

at night i'll usually stay up till about 4. used to go over to the next block but recently i've made friends with the people living below me, and they're really hardworking so i'll probably study with them more often from now on. plus they're like nearly all engineering students so they can help me with my stuff =)

i'm stuck at macs now because it's raining. it's fine cause i'm not sleepy, just that my brain has kinda switched off so i can't even concentrate on reading econs. the friend opposite me is like still doing math, which is pretty crazy (i gave up on that a while ago).

i have a test next sat which i'm quite worried about. stupid engin module which the lecturer always makes it look so simple, but when i do it it's like ??? been trying the past year papers, and they kinda stress me out. i can do a few, which is like ... because what if this year's paper is hard? =(

it's really cold here now because of the rain. i'm wearing your ocs jacket (which totally looks like a dress on me) and it's really warm. thanks darling.

i miss you. i keep thinking about our plans to tour the world together after my five shit years here. do you think we'll try/ be trying it out again by then?

sometimes i think that after you've ignored me for those 2 weeks, i've learnt to get on by without you. the cup emptied, and it doesn't want to be filled again. i don't want to risk hurting that much, ever again. my head tells me i should forget you, and that i don't love you anymore. but every time i see you or get a message from you, i just can't forget all the times we've had, and all the futures we've had. my dad said he didn't throw the blades out, so i can probably dig them out and go blading with you. and i really want to bring you to run the route i ran that day after we broke up, when i was half crying the entire time.

it's so strange that i don't see you much now, when there was those months when we spent almost everyday together. it's even stranger how you forgave me, and how you're willing to try again. you deserve a girl who doesn't make you worry, doesn't make you doubt, doesn't blow your trust.

i'm the selfish one holding you back.