i stuffed his ocs jacket in a corner, but tonight is a cold night that reminds me of how dependent i was on it.

i deleted him on facebook, but even that seems to be taking a leaf from his book.

i erased him from my phone memory, but i can't erase what i used to save his name as from my mind.

i wanted to bin the elephants he won for me, but i decided they were innocent.

now i wish i had, because tonight i'll be relegated to hugging them, crying to sleep.

yet again.

i went shopping with sherrie today, but her worries about alfred just reminds me of what he warned about their relationship.

i'm listening to my canto songs, and i miss the old days when we blasted canto songs on the way back from work.

i played mahjong, but i couldn't stop thinking about him every moment.

i had guys ask me out, but to me they were nothing compared to him.

i had advice given, but i dismissed all of them because i know he isn't the asshole they described him to be.

i should really our holiday photos on facebook, but i can't bring myself to do that.

i wish i could call him, but i wish he would call first.

no i don't.

yes i do.

no i don't.

i made myself vulnerable to him again, one month ago. i was naive enough to believe he would want me back, when all he wanted was some comfort and distraction from his exams. it was stupid of me, to think he could ever see a future with me again.

i'm so tired; i'm scared to sleep.